Nothing Works.....I'm SiCk!!!

I'm sick. I'm running a fever. My throat hurts like crazy. My body feels like Rocky after the fight. I look like rocky after the fight. I'm weak and tired. I haven't slept in 3 nights. I have cold chills and a sweaty forehead! My body smells like Richard Simmons after sweating to the oldies. I'm irritable and I can't talk. My head hurts when I cough. I feel basically like a lump of....well....you know....crap???

So all of my friends have made many suggestions to help me out and I have done every one of them.

I bathed in Ginger Root Bath water. I smelled like a Chinese salad dressing. Mixed slightly with Garlic...because...

I ate several cloves now of Raw Garlic, which BURNED like hell going down. I even ate raw onion till my nose started crying....

I chewed raw Ginger root...which BURNED like hell as well going down.....and made me want to send it back up...but I'm a tough cookie...like that Survivor Man guy who can squeeze water out of elephant poop...So I made hot Ginger tea...which sounded good and was quite pleasurable...but last time I ingested large amounts of Ginger root I tripped like I was on acid!!

I gargled with warm salt water several times....I think if I do anymore I'll start retaining water in my ankles! But I will keep doing it anyways! Kinda wish I lived at the beach...Sea water is better...

I tried sweating it out. I woke up in a puddle of man juice...smelling like a Italian dressing....

I ate so much chicken soup I think Campbells is going to revoke my Noodle membership!!

I tried Raw Cherry Juice...which you would think would taste good...NOPE!!! So I tried Pomegranate and cherry juice with Cranberry....Still....it wasn't pleasant!!! But I have drank about a gallon so far...I believe my urinary tract is squeaky clean now....and my Kidneys are able to breath again...

I've tried chewing on Tobacco...got buzzed pretty good...burned my throat and made me wanna vomit....but I felt funky like I did once behind the racket ball courts in Junior High one morning with some girl I knew named Jenny Sullivan...

I ate popcorn...which is supposed to scrape the walls of your throat and open up the infection....the salt in the popcorn then is supposed to help relieve and destroy the infection...well the movie was great...I now know what it feels to eat sand and swallow sand while your throat feels like sand...

I made a tincture of Oregano and olive oil....Now when I fart I smell like a Italian pizzeria/Chinese restaurant!!

Maybe Sushi is a cure...drop some off...lets see....

Only thing left is.....nawww....forget that!!!